“Having resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
~Malachy McCourt
I found this quote in the header on another blog site belonging to The Anchoress. I think it’s a wonderful encapsulation of the damage we do to ourselves when we hold onto anger and resentment, when we don’t forgive.
A more subtle implication of this quote is how we remain energetically tied to people for whom we hold resentment or who we haven’t forgiven. This aspect of resentment has never made sense to me. If you’re that angry with someone it seems to me that you would want to cut ties with them not bind them closer. And this leads me to what I feel is the greater truth of forgiveness, that in the letting go we find freedom for ourselves. With the wings of that freedom we can fly away from what has been so painful. We can fill the space left by the release of the negative with all sorts of new relationships and experiences and emotions. In this way we may even be able to ultimately come back to someone who hurt us and begin again.
Thanks Malachy for the clever insight!
Malachy McCourt is an Irish-American actor and writer.
Right on! It is one of my most challenging ongoing lessons to let go of years of carrying resentment about someone or other. The more emotional the trauma, the harder it is to let go of because it can become deeply embedded in our energy fields.
Ah, but the joy, the freedom, of finally letting it go! That’s what my energy work is all about, and I am my own laboratory for this lifelong study. Good, post, apt quote!
I am really glad I stumbled across this today. Sometimes I refer back to your blog for guidance and comfort. I really need to forgive someone as well as myself… or I will never stop obsessing. But the answer to the question of why someone wouldn’t just cut all ties, is the attachment to the idea of the old person before the hurt happened. It’s hard to let go of something that was once good.
Muse: ah yes, the energy field! It is so true that the same wonderful energetic system that enlivens and sustains us can also serve to hold us back when it gets gunked up with the negativity we both experience and hold onto. Being such a dynamic and responsive system it give us exactly what we want (focus on). The trick, as always, is to learn to focus on the positive and let go of the negative so that we will expand our experience of the positive. Its definitely a system of the more you have the more you get, of both the positive and the negative. Good for you for working so diligently on your own system and awareness!!!
Trina: I’m so glad that my post has been comforting and inspiring! If you would like you are more than welcome to copy the post to your hard drive so that you can read it when not online.
I agree with you about not cutting ties because of being attached to the “idea of the old person.” I think this is the same reason that people who stay together after a hurt continue in their anger for so long. They keep trying to get back the same relationship and trust they had before the hurt. My belief is that you can never have that back. The old relationship and trust is irrevocably broken. However, it is often entirely possible to build new relationship and new trust on the remains of the old. In this way both the individuals and the relationship can grow stronger.