I used to have the most wonderfulest dog in the world. Jonah was a Golden Retriever that my husband and I adopted from the Human Society. He was the absolute essence of lovingkindness. He was gentle. He was goofy. He was not particularly bright, but he was clever and stubborn, which seemed to make up for some of the intellectual dimness. Despite his dimness he did know a few key words with absolute certainty: treat, walk, run, ride, brush, and sit. (He also knew stay, back-up, come, and no, but frequently chose to ignore them!) When he was being particularly goofy, which was often, I would call him my “dippity-doo-dog.” He was very enthusiastic about almost everything, especially going for a walk or ride or welcoming us home. But what he did best was just LOVE.
Jonah was 9-years-old when he passed on June 17, 2006 (the day the photo was taken). His body was overwhelmed by cancer and tick-fever, but his spirit was bright until the end. On the afternoon we let him go we were able to walk with him a bit and then sit with him and cuddle under a beautiful old tree in our vet’s yard before the nurse came out with the final shot. As devastated as I was by having to let him go I remember laughing out loud as I felt his spirit jump up from under the tree and romp to the edge of the yard. He was so clearly free of his pain and the weight of his sick, damaged body. He seemed to be saying “hey what happened? I feel great! …uh…what are you doing over there?” He was a little confused, but so happy! I was glad that Grandfather, a special Guide of ours, was there to help him pass over. 
)
It has now been more than a year and a half since Jonah left us. He has occasionally come to visit. I have felt his presence and even caught a glimpse of him from the corner of my eye. I keep thinking that with time I will miss him less, that I will be able to remember him with love and joy and leave the tears behind. So, far that hasn’t happened. I still cry from missing him.
Today we went to PetsMart to get kitty litter and I stopped by the doggy daycare to watch the pups play. There was a shaggy, red colored Golden Retriever that reminded me so much of Jonah that I teared up instantly. We also stopped by the Human Society’s adoption kennels where I was able to cuddle a puppy for a few minutes, which was a bittersweet blessing. By the time I got to the check out line I had crocodile tears running down my face and I was working hard not to break out sobbing.
I MISS MY DOG!!!!
My birthday is in two weeks and I would like nothing more than to adopt a new dog. The problem is that our other pet, a 17 and a half year old cat doesn’t seem to be open to an addition to the household. We tried adopting a puppy a year ago and she was so traumatized that she wouldn’t come out of my husband’s bathroom for the entire week that the puppy was here. I want to honor her needs and her place as a loved and honored member of the family. I just wish I could figure out a way to come to an agreement with her about a new dog. She doesn’t seem to understand, or doesn’t believe, that we can arrange things so that she has her own space that is safe from the puppy and time when the puppy is outside when she can have the full run of the house. Sigh.
I know I will have the joy of several more wonderful dogs throughout my lifetime. Its just so hard to wait.
ADDITION 2/15/08: Check out this report about dealing with the death of a pet.
I lost my Golden retriever, my very best friend, to cancer as well – almost 3 years ago now. In spite of the fact that I now have a house full of FIVE dogs – I still miss her. Each and every one is special and irreplaceable.
Take care
Susan
Thanks Susan! You are so right about each pet being special and irreplaceable. I’ve never understood people who talk about animals as having no personality. They obviously never talk to them! I know that I will always miss Jonah just as I do his predecessor Scotch another wonderful Golden Retriever, and all the wonderful pets my family had throughout my childhood. Somehow Jonah just dug into my heart a bit deeper than some. He was truly a special gift.
Last year my dog died after giving us 4 great years. I miss him so much and sometimes call my new dog son by his name. I do take soem comfort in the fact that he is in a better place now and without disease but sometimes I want to nuzzle his Shar-pei face and hug him. He was such a special light in my life as is my new dog son.
Hi Madison. I’m sorry you only had 4 years with your Shar-pei, but isn’t it wonderful that you had those years! I know what you mean about wanting to nuzzle your dog. Jonah could be such a snuggle-bug! I miss that so much, but what happy memories!
)
Your dippity-doo-dog is just lovely, and he looks like he’s smiling in the picture. You write beautifully about the special place he had (and still has) in your heart and home.
I wonder if your kitty would be more open to having an older dog, rather than a puppy? Sometimes puppy energy can be a bit overwhelming. Surely you would not be alone wanting a puppy though, in order to keep her/him as long as possible.
Thank you for a wonderful, heartfelt post.
I love that you saw Jonah bounce out of his body and that he’s visited. Lilibeth, our beagle, has visited many times lately. She’s been a bit of busy-body.
But I still miss her little body here next to us and even her constant barking. Many the right puppy will come along and your cat will like him. If she feels she is picking him out, it my go over better. Just a thought. 
(We need to be cunning) Thanks for sharing this. Sometimes we forget to give ourselves permission to still grieve. It’s hard–we know they are doing just fine, but we still miss them.
Muse: You’re right about my cat being better off with an older dog. And in all honesty I think my husband and I would be too. I don’t think we are well-trained enough to successfully house-train a puppy!
)
Ronni: Our society isn’t very good about allowing time for grieving is it? There seems to be this thought that you should be sad for a few weeks and then “get on with it.” And if you can’t get over the death of a pet (“its only an animal, afterall!”) you are seen as almost crazy! Isn’t it sad? But, I know that there are people like you and other readers who truly understand the depth of connection we have to our fuzzy family members.
Thank you both for your wonderful comments!
[...] 16, 2008 by joyfulseeker Many of you were very kind when I recently posted about missing my dog. So, I thought you might enjoy knowing that we have recently (finally!) found a new dog to adopt [...]
I just lost my dog yesterday and the pain is so intense at times that it just feels like I will never be the same again. The way you described yours reminds me of Harley. He was a red shaded Golden Retriever and he had the sweetest disposition. He would put his big ol’ head on my lap and push down on me until I’d pet him. Or he’d push me around with his big nose. He would do this adorable low growling talk when he wanted to go outside. I miss his bark. I miss his ‘welcome home dance’. I miss hearing him walk around on the Pergo floors. It’s such a loss, and it was so sudden. He was fine one day and within 12 hours he got sick, was diagnosed with metastatic cancer, and was gone from our lives forever. He was 9 1/2 years old and I thought he’d be with us for at least a few more years. What a heartbreak. He was the best.
Kathy: I’m so sorry to hear about your recent loss. I soooo understand the pain of that kind of loss. I wailed like a baby when my Jonah died. We had a very short time between realizing he was sick and having to say goodbye, but at least we had a bit of warning. I can only imagine how much more difficult it would have been to have only had one day as you did. I’m so sad for you. For me, talking about Jonah with my husband and being able to remember all the good times and his wonderful sweet personality was a help. I have also been helped by collecting photos of him and looking through them often. This is both painful and joyful at the same time, but generally seems to ease the ache. We have a new dog, a year-old lab named Sophie, who I love dearly, but I still miss Jonah every day. Each and every pet is unique and wonderful. I hope that in time you will have the joy of a new fuzzy family member.
Love,
Sarah
I know what it feels like to lose a dog i just lost my mind 7\308. and it has been so hard on me to wake up every morning and not seeing my dog here anymore. I miss her so much and i wish i could starte everything over agian. Some people don’t know that you can be so close to you’re dogs. My dog was my bestfriend but now she is in a better place.
god bless you nibbles mommy alwasys going to remember you and you will always be in my heart.
stephanie walker
I feel a slight comfort knowing that other people feel the same way that I do. I recently lost my best friend on 08.30.08. I still remember him grasping for one last breath and then there was an utter silence.
Nikko was a 13.5 year old Pomeranian that was fighting congestive heart failure. He was on maximal meds, and the vets had said that he would live only 6 months more (that was 2 years ago!) So Nikko definetely did put a good fight, but I guess he couldn’t fight any longer. I wish I knew whether or not he is okay. I just worry that there’s something wrong, or that he is in pain because for the last 13.5 years I was able to help him through every thing, and make sure that he doesn’t get hurt. I think it just hurts to know that there is nothing I can do.
I miss you Nikko! I wish that I could have spent our last day out in the park or chasing tennis balls.
I too had a big red golden retriever named Ember, I decided to put him down 1 month ago today as his hips were failing him and he was in pain. I still miss him so much I cry often thinking of him. He to was a big goof ball but so loving and with so much personality, he often would scoot rocks around with his paws barking at them the whole time. He was a nut, I guess I was lucky to have him for almost 14 years, but it makes his loss so much more painful. I too feel afraid to share my pain after a month but it comforts me to know others still grieve after a long time. I was blessed to get close to 10 cards and about 15 comments on our condo bulletin board from sweet neighbors who sympathized with my loss and said they too would miss him. Everyone was a friend to him. I pray gods giving you big hugs buddy, as you are sorely missed.
Danb
It’s been 8 weeks since I lost my best friend Kissy. (07-26-08) It was so sudden. My gf picked her up and put her on the bed with me so we could all cuddle and she kind of stumbled. She seemed disoriented so I picked her up and held her against my chest (my heart) and when I pulled her away to look at her she was gone. It was that quick. I feel blessed that I was able to hold her while she passed but it was so sudden I was in shock. She was so tiny. I never had seen a little dog so tiny. She only weighed 2 lbs..a chihuahua and lived to be almost 14 however I figured she would live a few more years. The pain of missing my baby was unbearable for the first week and then became a little easier to accept..but this week I’m finding myself crying everyday missing her. My gf wants to get me a new puppy but we have a cat that has cancer and I can’t put him through the stress so when the time is right I will. Thank you for letting me share my pain…it’s nice to be in the company of friends who “get it”. Much love.
I came across your website as I googled “I still miss my dog”–thank you for sharing your deepheartening feelings for your lost Jonah. I now know that it’s perfectly normal to miss such a special pet. My dog was only 3 when she died of SUDDEN heart failure last Jan. 27, 2008–My husband & I were devastated and shocked to lose her so quickly. One day we were walking her on the beach and noticed how sluggish she was–a few hours later we took her to the ER just to be monitored overnight–15 min. later she was on life support and the dr. told us that she had a pre-mature heart and was most likely not going to make it. We had her euthanised that evening and since then it’s been a recurring memory that I want to forget. Of course I have wonderful memories w/her as well. My husband and I were unable to have children at the time we brought home this special puppy so she was like our only child for 3 years. It’s been 9 months since her passing and although God blessed us to FINALLY get pregnant, I still miss my dog so. I know one day I’ll have my family and new dog by next year 2009–but it’s so hard to wait to get a new dog but know it’s probably best to wait ’til after our baby born. Anyway, thanks for letting me share my story as well. Dogs offer that kind of unconditional love everyone longs for….
I am really sorry to hear about your loss wth Jonah, it is ambsolutley heartbreaking, i just lost my black lab Penny after almost 13 years, it started off with diabetes a year ago then on to really bad coughing which we found out was a tumour in her lungs giving her breathing difficulties, she was the love of my life and i miss her more than words can i say.It has been 2 wees now and im sitting here crying as at 12.20am is the exact time she was pts 2 weeks ago,i think of her from the moment i wake till the moment i sleep.
I have my other dogs which help slightly and i love them to bits also but they all have a different place in my heart.
I made a tribute site for Penny and found this helped me a bit
Its nice to find other people who now what i am going through,
Im so sorry for all of you who have lost your beloved friends
I lost the love of my life, Snickerdoodle, on 3/11/08. It was seven months ago. I have trouble living everyday without her. God arranged our meeting on 9/28/94…and she was already a few years old. She was perfect with the purest soul you’ve ever met. It was the perfect relationship…unconditional love. I cannot even think about loving another dog because I feel guilty. Snickerdoodle is my angel…how could I possibly love another dog? Why do I need to? I deserve to feel this emptiness…this void. Snickerdoodle never was fond of other dogs, so I don’t think she would want me to have another one. I need her each day. I miss her so much. My life is not as full without her. I am truly heartbroken.
Well, it has been eight months. The pain is the same. I keep saying to myself “I haven’t seen my Snickerdoodle in eight months” and then reality hits that I will never see her again…then I tune out because the pain is too much.
MaeBelle, I feel your pain. It’s been 10 months now and although I still miss my doggy everyday, I know that I was lucky to have her for even a short time. Dogs can bring so much joy in one’s life. If I wasn’t pregnant, I would bring home a new dog now but I have to wait atleast a year or so. I don’t know what your situation is like at home or if you can open your heart to love a new dog–but I don’t think your Snickerdoodle would want to see you so sad. Pet owners have so much love to give and I can tell you were a great parent to Snickerdoodle. (And I do believe we will see our beloved pets again)…
I had my best friend of 12 years put down last christmas. Since then I’ve adoped another dog from the shelter and have grown to love him very much but that spot in my heart is still as empty as ever.
I’m a 40 year old hard case that never sheds a tear for much of anything, but I cried myself sick when the vet gave my friend the last shot and I felt his head go heavy in my hands. I still cry when I think about it.
Joyfulseeker,
Thank you for this post. I have a ten year-old Golden Retriever named Jonah (ironic) who was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer last Thursday. We have had him for ten years this month and he has been such a wonderful, loving, kind member of our family. He is so smart, obedient, sweet, loyal and always there for you, even when no one else is. The vet has yet to tell us how much longer Jonah has on this earth, but we know it is not much longer. Your entry has truly touched me and was exactly what I needed to hear. I don’t know if it was the fact that you too had a dog of the same breed and same name and illness, or the beautiful, spiritual way you described his peaceful journey to the next life, but I am comforted and sure that our Jonahs will play together in their next lives. Thank you.
I am heart broken at losing my beautifu golden retriever SAM on wednesday. i feel like an empty shell and i cant stop crying.i loved him so much i dont know what to do, he was 12 years old and had severe hip displaysia and was on catrophen for many years i promised he would not suffer, his back end finally gave up on him and i had to put him to rest, and i am sure he knew, he took it so peacefully in my arms. it was almost beautiful I felt the pain leave his body forever.I feel so much Love for him but now guilt that I let him go to far. my husband and the vet tell me my timing was perfect and that he wouldnt have missed any of his time with us for all the world as he loved us as much as we did him, he was happy to the end even wagged his tail at the vet. i feel I dont know what to do with myself and my little dog scruff also 12 was his companion and now seems really lost its so awfull, I cant bear the Loss, I feel like i am abnormal. so thank you for your stories am glad I found this site.
Pam
Well, yesterday was one year since my girl, Snickerdoodle, went home to be with God. I thought the pain would be less, but I can barely speak her name without crying. No one understands how much of a void I have without her. Since my mom passed in 2000, Snickerdoodle was the only real witness to my life – the only constant. I miss her dearly. I have surrounded myself with pictures of her – on my phone, my keychain…even a large blanket. I cannot let her go. I’m grateful for this site – it’s really the only place I feel like I can be truthful without judgment.
Maebelle, I would give you a big hug if I could reach you. I am having the same feelings and heartache. It’s been 8 months since I lost my Kissy. Three weeks after she passed I moved into my new home and fell down the stairs and broke my ankle. Therefore, I sat for 8 weeks recuperating and not having Kissy to snuggle with. I cried every day missing her. I now just try to picture her flying around with little angel wings looking over me. It gives me some comfort then I try to just keep busy. Just like all the kind people on this board we’ll always have a piece of babies in our hearts and memories. This is a great website because like you say…nobody will think we’re crazy.
Please find it in your heart to adopt another animal. They need you as much as you do them. That’s what I’m going to do. Take care!
Thanks for the kind words Kissy. You know, if I had opened the door to hell and walked in, Snickerdoodle would have been by my side (I would actually be carrying her like a big baby), but nevertheless she would be there. I wish I could submit a photo. She was perfect -perfect for me. She was the only soul that ever “got me.”
I feel bad for everyone who looses a pet. Yesterday, with no apparent warning, I lost Pete, my best friend for 13 plus years. She passed in my arms after a few short hours of feeling sick. I am so heartbroken that I do not know what to do. I am happy for the gift which She was. I can never imagine myself caring so much for any other. When she started to leave us, we all repeated seemingly 100 times, we love you Pete. Pete licked my tears just before she drew her last breath and let me know she would wait for me, so that I could find my way when my time comes. God, I love her with all of my heart.
Wow Tim, I know what you’re going through. Pete was obviously a soul who will be awaiting your arrival – much like my girl. If I can offer some advice to you it would be to allow the feelings to be there and let them stay as long as they need. I am still in the healing process and I cannot imagine loving another like her. But we must one day to help end the suffering that these perfect little souls experience. Wow, I sound quite healthy…and honestly I got a lot of insight from this page.
Every month on the anniversary of my Snickerdoodle’s death I remember it – and although I think about her each day I didn’t realize that 4/11/09 was 13 months…and that bothers me. I am sitting at my desk in tears because I miss my angel…my sweet little girl. She was so perfect and I need her back. I have tried to think about adopting another dog, but I do not want to compare them to Snickerdoodle. I just wish I knew she was okay. I wish I knew she loved me and that she was with me. Today has been hard and I’m sure there will be many hard days in the future…but I really do ache for her.
I went to an asoption event at PetCo today…still cannot do it…
I went to an adoption event at PetCo today…still cannot do it…
It’s been 14 months and I still miss her like crazy. Sometimes I stare at her picture and think…”I cannot believe you’re really gone.” I have to snap out of my trance and go on with my day. I would give anything to hold her again…
it has been 16 months since she passed…and my life is without her. My husband thinks my grieving is unhealthy and maybe it is but I am not rushing anything. She was and kind of is my everything. I wish I would have walked her more – given her more treats (if possible). I wish I would have stayed home more…
It’ll be 18 months soon…it feels like eternity. Time is softening the blow a bit…I miss her like crazy.
2 years since my golden passed and each day is like the day before…….I miss her terribly, her scent, eyes, incredible kindness, and regal-ness.
I fear that even if i get another, none will compare to the original Krugerrand.
There isnt a day that goes by that I dont thank god how blessed I was to have such a great companion, and, if its any consolation, at least when I die, I will be able to look forward to spending an eternity side-by-side
I understand how you feel Brant. I know another will never compare…but one day I hope to be able to appreciate another girl. I am waiting until my Snickerdoodle sends her to me. I’ll know when it’s right.
Today has been 18 months. Nothing much to say…I miss her. My dumb husband doesn’t understand. She was so perfect…my sweet little Snickerdoodle.