I miss my dog!
February 3, 2008 by joyfulseeker
I used to have the most wonderfulest dog in the world. Jonah was a Golden Retriever that my husband and I adopted from the Human Society. He was the absolute essence of lovingkindness. He was gentle. He was goofy. He was not particularly bright, but he was clever and stubborn, which seemed to make up for some of the intellectual dimness. Despite his dimness he did know a few key words with absolute certainty: treat, walk, run, ride, brush, and sit. (He also knew stay, back-up, come, and no, but frequently chose to ignore them!) When he was being particularly goofy, which was often, I would call him my “dippity-doo-dog.” He was very enthusiastic about almost everything, especially going for a walk or ride or welcoming us home. But what he did best was just LOVE.
Jonah was 9-years-old when he passed on June 17, 2006 (the day the photo was taken). His body was overwhelmed by cancer and tick-fever, but his spirit was bright until the end. On the afternoon we let him go we were able to walk with him a bit and then sit with him and cuddle under a beautiful old tree in our vet’s yard before the nurse came out with the final shot. As devastated as I was by having to let him go I remember laughing out loud as I felt his spirit jump up from under the tree and romp to the edge of the yard. He was so clearly free of his pain and the weight of his sick, damaged body. He seemed to be saying “hey what happened? I feel great! …uh…what are you doing over there?” He was a little confused, but so happy! I was glad that Grandfather, a special Guide of ours, was there to help him pass over. :o)
It has now been more than a year and a half since Jonah left us. He has occasionally come to visit. I have felt his presence and even caught a glimpse of him from the corner of my eye. I keep thinking that with time I will miss him less, that I will be able to remember him with love and joy and leave the tears behind. So, far that hasn’t happened. I still cry from missing him.
Today we went to PetsMart to get kitty litter and I stopped by the doggy daycare to watch the pups play. There was a shaggy, red colored Golden Retriever that reminded me so much of Jonah that I teared up instantly. We also stopped by the Human Society’s adoption kennels where I was able to cuddle a puppy for a few minutes, which was a bittersweet blessing. By the time I got to the check out line I had crocodile tears running down my face and I was working hard not to break out sobbing.
I MISS MY DOG!!!!
My birthday is in two weeks and I would like nothing more than to adopt a new dog. The problem is that our other pet, a 17 and a half year old cat doesn’t seem to be open to an addition to the household. We tried adopting a puppy a year ago and she was so traumatized that she wouldn’t come out of my husband’s bathroom for the entire week that the puppy was here. I want to honor her needs and her place as a loved and honored member of the family. I just wish I could figure out a way to come to an agreement with her about a new dog. She doesn’t seem to understand, or doesn’t believe, that we can arrange things so that she has her own space that is safe from the puppy and time when the puppy is outside when she can have the full run of the house. Sigh.
I know I will have the joy of several more wonderful dogs throughout my lifetime. Its just so hard to wait.
ADDITION 2/15/08: Check out this report about dealing with the death of a pet.
I lost my Golden retriever, my very best friend, to cancer as well - almost 3 years ago now. In spite of the fact that I now have a house full of FIVE dogs - I still miss her. Each and every one is special and irreplaceable.
Take care
Susan
Thanks Susan! You are so right about each pet being special and irreplaceable. I’ve never understood people who talk about animals as having no personality. They obviously never talk to them! I know that I will always miss Jonah just as I do his predecessor Scotch another wonderful Golden Retriever, and all the wonderful pets my family had throughout my childhood. Somehow Jonah just dug into my heart a bit deeper than some. He was truly a special gift.
Last year my dog died after giving us 4 great years. I miss him so much and sometimes call my new dog son by his name. I do take soem comfort in the fact that he is in a better place now and without disease but sometimes I want to nuzzle his Shar-pei face and hug him. He was such a special light in my life as is my new dog son.
Hi Madison. I’m sorry you only had 4 years with your Shar-pei, but isn’t it wonderful that you had those years! I know what you mean about wanting to nuzzle your dog. Jonah could be such a snuggle-bug! I miss that so much, but what happy memories! :o)
Your dippity-doo-dog is just lovely, and he looks like he’s smiling in the picture. You write beautifully about the special place he had (and still has) in your heart and home.
I wonder if your kitty would be more open to having an older dog, rather than a puppy? Sometimes puppy energy can be a bit overwhelming. Surely you would not be alone wanting a puppy though, in order to keep her/him as long as possible.
Thank you for a wonderful, heartfelt post.
I love that you saw Jonah bounce out of his body and that he’s visited. Lilibeth, our beagle, has visited many times lately. She’s been a bit of busy-body.
But I still miss her little body here next to us and even her constant barking. Many the right puppy will come along and your cat will like him. If she feels she is picking him out, it my go over better. Just a thought. 
(We need to be cunning) Thanks for sharing this. Sometimes we forget to give ourselves permission to still grieve. It’s hard–we know they are doing just fine, but we still miss them.
Muse: You’re right about my cat being better off with an older dog. And in all honesty I think my husband and I would be too. I don’t think we are well-trained enough to successfully house-train a puppy! :o)
Ronni: Our society isn’t very good about allowing time for grieving is it? There seems to be this thought that you should be sad for a few weeks and then “get on with it.” And if you can’t get over the death of a pet (”its only an animal, afterall!”
you are seen as almost crazy! Isn’t it sad? But, I know that there are people like you and other readers who truly understand the depth of connection we have to our fuzzy family members.
Thank you both for your wonderful comments!
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