Creativity at a low ebb and the icky voice
March 12, 2008 by joyfulseeker
“What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuits.”
~Carl Jung
I found this quote on a site called Another Girl at Play, an inspiring site about women who have taken their creativity and talent and run with it into commercial success. (Unfortunately, with the mood I’ve been in lately it actually depressed me. Sigh. )
The quote seems particularly appropriate for me right now. I need to remember those “hours pass like minutes” times from when I was a kid ’cause lately nothing seems to generate in me that yummy-warm feeling of intense creativity. I feel like I’m just coasting in a clingy fog and I can’t get excited about anything. Ugh. Its been so bad that I’ve even been having random thoughts about selling off all of my beads, which is really weird, even sacrilegious. I love beads! I’ve loved them since I was four and some family friend gave me an old pimento jar full of tri-lobed, plastic beads and some thread. But lately I can’t make myself do anything with them. And the mere thought of preparing for the art shows this summer makes me want to crawl into the back of the closet and close the door.
About the only creative thing I’ve been able to do is take pictures. I like to go to the park near my house and take photos of the birds. Even that has been marred somewhat by negative thoughts about the new camera I’d like to buy. The icky, negative voice in my head is trying to tell me that I can’t really justify spending $800 on the camera and lens that I want if all I’m going to do is take photos of ducks (or Chinese Brown geese, left). If I’m going to spend that kind of money I should plan on trying to do something commercial with my photos. But I don’t want to! I just want to take nice photos for me. Aren’t I good enough to justify the expense if it really makes me happy? My higher, happy voice says “Yes!” My lower, icky voice says “Probably not.” I really hate the icky voice. :/
So, I’ve been taking pictures of ducks despite what the icky voice says. It gets me outside, both outside of the house and outside of myself. That’s good. That’s creative. That’s even meditative, and probably healing. I guess I’ll just hold onto that until this cloud that has sunk over me and the icky voice finally leave. Bleh.
Hi Joyfulseeker,
Phew…it’s such a relief to know that someone out there, someone unknown, someone far away in another part of the world, unrelated is going through something similar to my current ordeal.
Your blog headline attracted me to read on and boy am I glad I did.
Honestly, I feel as if all my creativity has disappeared without trace and that I am reduced to being a young woman, at home alone, waiting for a job acceptance, cooking, cleaning and maintaining the household. And if I ain’t doing the above i am sulking about what my life is reduced to, what I have been reduced to..a fat ugly non ambitious young person who has a lot of potential.
As a kid I remember playing with my dolls, making little dresses, drawing, painting and cycling around. Surely I cant do any of that again now, could I? my metropolitan city life doesnt permit any of this. Moreover I am looked down upon being without a job
Gosh, I wish I had your will to decide to get out of the house and do somethng everyday….to get out of this horrible situation….really frustration kills.
But, thank you for making me realise I need to get out.I just have to.
Cheers.
You need to get outside and let the sun heal your soul! Let the love of God come to you. I also was experiencing much the same. I hadnt beaded in a couple months so I forced myself to do so. I will take apart the necklace and redo it so that it looks better but it kind of got my creative juices flowing again. If you want the camara, buy it. Who cares if you only take pictures of birds - they’ll be great ones.
Bleh, indeed! I’m sorry you’re having an attack of the “blehs”, Sarah. I don’t know if this will help, but I’m exceedingly cranky and unenthusiastic about starting new projects at the moment. I see this around me too, and even on other blogs! Is there something psychic or astrological going on?
Anyway, I commend you for acknowledging your feelings. I’m glad you are taking pictures. The icky voice can be very persuasive, but I trust you will not ultimately let it push you around!
Love the Jung quote. I’m going to write down those things.
Don’t sell your beads! Have you been to this blog yet? http://thebeadden.wordpress.com/ Maybe you can encourage each other!
Wow! Thank you all so much for your empathy and support!
Bia: I’m sure that waiting for a job acceptance is very frustrating. I know you will end up being successful! In the meantime I certainly recommend getting out of the house. Even if all you do is walk down the block and back, or around the block, changing your view and moving a bit can really help. Although, I know from personal experience that it can be almost impossible to drag yourself through the door.
As for the creativity you remember from childhood why can’t you do some of those things? Several years ago when I was in a similar creative slump I bought some child’s markers and paper and gave myself permission to draw the kind of bright, simple drawings I did when I was a child. I knew I was the only one who would ever see those drawings so I just let myself go. It was very therapeutic! Maybe we should both try this! 
Madison: You are so right about several things. The sun is definitely healing! I know I need more of it. And giving myself permission to make “ugly” jewelry that I can take apart is a good suggestion. My husband is always telling me that one of the reasons he likes the idea of beading is that you can always take it apart and make something else. But, I’ve always resisted this. I think I get hung up on the idea of “wasting” materials like stringing wire and crimp beads. I guess I just need to get over myself!
Thanks for the suggestion! And I will get the camera; I just have to finish saving up the money.
Muse: Yes, it does seem like there is “something in the air,” doesn’t it? I’ve had conversations with several friends who are also crabby, uninspired, and having a generally rotten time lately. For awhile I was putting it down to Mercury retrograde, but that’s now long past. Regardless of the source of the “bleh” it seems terribly important to keep fighting back. And I do. I’m just too damn stubborn to give in completely!
I would never actually get rid of my beads, but it is a good indicator of how low I’ve been that I would even have the thought. I appreciate the link to the fellow beader! I enjoyed her site and have found several others through her. I’ve been thinking for awhile about starting another blog just for beading and art. I’m even more inspired now, thanks!
Hi joyfulseeker! I’m glad you dropped by my blog. I understand that icky voice all to well. Spending money on a hobby does that. I don’t sell my beadwork and no one understands it. It’s like I’m wasting time and money on something for no reason at all.
There IS a reason. I enjoy it. It’s my creative outlet. I decided not to sell it for that reason alone. Deadlines, orders and creating for someone else would take the enjoyment away.
I might sell it years from now, but it is what keeps me happy. So buy that camera….just because!
By the way your jewelry is so beautiful!
I read quite a few posts here. We seem to have a lot in common. A family member of mine is a Reiki Master, I print out all her courses and certificates for her classes too. She has a degree in metaphysics. I grew up in that environtment. I’m definately not phychic but had a few “interesting experiences.”
I’m glad museditions sent you over
I’m a member of the Starving Jewelry Artists forum, the link is on my page, it’s a really postive environment. If you haven’t been there before, you should check it out.
Now that I’ve written a novel on your page, I’ll be off
Take Care
Hi Joyfulseeker! I made a comment earlier and the realized I had not filled out the form! That’s okay, my comment was a small novel anyway.
I understand the icky voice. I make jewelry as a hobby and everyone wonders why I don’t sell it. They dont understand how I can spend time and money on it and just let it sit there. But it’s my creative outlet. I enjoy it, and if I were to make it for any other reason, I know I’d get stressed out. over deadlines, orders and I would hit a creative block.
So….buy that camera! For YOU!
I read quite a few of your posts. I have a family member who is a Reiki Master. I print her papers and certificates for the classes she teaches. She had a degree in metaphysics as well. I grew up in that environment. I’m definitely not phychic but have had a few “interesting experiences.”
I’m glad museditions sent you to my site! Your jewlery is just beautiful!
Are you a member at the Starving Jewelry Artist Forum? It’s a very positive place. There is a link at my site if you want to check it out.
Take Care
I am so sorry about the double post. I thought because I hadn’t filled out the form the first one wouldn’t work.