I have been absent for quite awhile now. On April 10, just three days after my last post my husband and I went to the doctor to talk with her about his allergies and what we believed to be asthma. After listening to him describe his symptoms she said she thought the problem may be heart-related. She did an EKG in the office, checked for edema and declared that he needed to go into the hospital “right now!” for more heart tests.
Since then he has been through two angiograms, open heart surgery, abdominal surgery, acute kidney failure, infections, multiple intubations for respiratory support, general weakness, pain, and phenomenal frustration.
As of today he is still in the cardiac intensive care unit. He will eventually be moved to a long-term care hospital where he will continue to recover and receive physical therapy.
Through all of this I have missed only one day at the hospital. Often I am there twice a day for 6-10 hours total. My house needs cleaning. My laundry needs washing. My dog needs walking. But each day I get up and go no matter how frustrated, depressed, or exhausted I am. Most days I’m actually able to be pretty cheerful and upbeat. I’ve made friends with the nursing staff and plastered Husband’s room with cards, photos, and healing crystals. I quiz the doctors hard when they come in, but I also remember their names, ask about their kids, keep a positive outlook and make them do the same.
I’ve come completely unglued and cried like a baby several times.
I’ve also learned some deeply important spiritual lessons, which I will eventually share.
I read an article several days ago about the psychological benefits of blogging. It shares some of the same benefits that keeping a journal has in the sense that it is a good way to get your thoughts out. It can be both a release and a way to clarify, to understand. But, blogging has the added benefit of connecting people with a community through comments and discussions. Before all this I was just beginning to establish myself as part of a blogging community. I’ve missed it. And right now I need all the friends I can get. So, I’ll be back soon…
Oh, Sarah! So sorry. I am sending you both tons of light and prayers. What you must have been through. To start with allergies and then go through so much must have been so hard. I ask that you have every bit of excellent support you both need!
Hi Sarah,
What a difficult time you are having.
It is amazing isn’t it,that when we are faced with such challenges as serious illness of a loved one,the strength we can come up with. Yes,at times its good to “break down” and cry,feel scared or angry…
I have been through similiar situations.
for the past 2 and a half years I have seen both my mother and dear husband suffer and pass away from cancer..
I recall being in the ambulance first with my mother,who nearly died in the ambulance and then 3 months later with my husband nearly dying in the ambulance…I have since learned that these trials have increased my endurance,courage,and gratitute
Good luck to you and your dear husband
My heart is filled with Compassion, as within the time from September to February, I was in the hospital for surgery 4 times, trying to keep my arteries open. I *know* what it feels like to imagine being ‘fixed’, only to discover something *else*.
What I CAN do, is give you a {{hugs}} and share that I haven’t felt BETTER in years….now.
ronni: Thank you so much for your energy and prayers. We will take all the positive energy we can get.
We are surrounded by much light and love and may Guides and Teachers. I welcome the help of the Faeries too, although I imagine that a hospital is a difficult energy for them to be in.
Carol: I am so sorry to hear about your losses! I hope and pray that you have had a strong and loving support group to uplift you! Like you I am learning that I have strengths I did know I have, certainly endurance and courage are among them. I’m also finding things to be grateful for…cat and dog who are always happy to see me when I get home, nurses who remember my name and go out of their way to come see how we are doing even when they’re assigned elsewhere on the floor, parents who have been more helpful than history suggested they might be, and sometimes simply sunlight and a nice view out the hospital room window.
Sue Ann: I have heard from several people that their family member has expressed the same sentiment, that after all the surgery and recovery that they feel better than they have in years. I’m so glad that this has been true for you too! I keep thinking about that for Husband, envisioning him healthy and happy in the years to come. I appreciate the hugs! Thanks.
Thanks very much for taking the time to share this here. It’s always hard to know if someone has just lost interest in blogging of if something else is going on. I so agree that to know you have a caring community is worth much, and I have seen that you have friends here online that think a lot of you, Sarah!
It’s amazing how our priorities change when the one we most love is in need. I wish your husband continued recovery, and for you to get the rest and support you need. We’ll be here!
muse: I definitely haven’t lost the blog-bug! I simply haven’t had either the time or brain power to spare in the last two months. But as it becomes clear that this is going to be a long-term experience I am realizing that I am going to have to make space for more “normal” activities and more self-care than I have been making time for. Afterall, Husband has been getting all kinds of great drugs while he’s been in the hospital while I’ve had to do my part completely sober! LOL!
Thanks for the good wishes!
Okay I feel like a heel. Here I was bitching to myself that you hadn’t blogged and never thought once that it could have been something else. I really, really wished that those 3 or so times I almost wrote and asked if everything was okay, that I had. My nose was bent out of shape. So sorry to hear about the difficult time that you have been going through. I will be sending positive energy your way.
God bless and now humbled,
Madison
Madison: Don’t feel bad about missing my posts. It actually makes me feel really good to know I’ve been missed!
I’ll take all the positive energy I can get right now, thanks. Email any time. I’d love to hear from you!